While the scientist inside him was thinking about this matter, he also looked inward. I noticed them myself. Oh my God, I got them too,” he recalls.
The premise of the IFS model is that our minds are not one-dimensional. “We are all multiple,” Schwartz says. We all have multiple perspectives within us – for example, people often identify as the inner critic, the worrier, or the hard worker. Some parts tend to dominate our lives, while others are more hidden. IFS teaches the process of embracing all of your parts, balancing them, and finding a sense of wholeness.
Parts work has exploded in popularity recently, with a growing number of books, apps and social media accounts highlighting the discipline. There are now more than 6,000 IFS-certified therapists and practitioners.
IFS is used by therapists working on a range of issues, from couples therapy, to dealing with the death of a loved one, or other trauma.
Some therapists say the popularity has outpaced the evidence base and are calling for more research. There are several small studies showing that IFS can benefit people with specific problems, including symptoms of PTSD and stress. The pain, discomfort and depression of living with rheumatoid arthritis. And depression. More studies are underway.
For Seth Kobald, part-time work was the key to taming his anxiety, as he began to realize that it stemmed from fears of feeling unloved in childhood.
With IFS, he can now recognize the wounded child inside him, and begin to let go of the pain and shame.
“There’s a big difference between, ‘I’m here with anxiety and fear,’ versus ‘I’m here with fear, I’m here with anxiety,'” he says. With that realization, his natural state of “confidence, courage, and compassion” resurfaced. “It’s as if I have a system,” he says. New run now.
So, if you’re dealing with stress—about relationships, tragedy, or any life challenge—you may want to learn more about microworking. Below is a summary of how the IFS process works.
1. Quiet your mind and look within
One way to start getting to know your parts is to listen.
Sit still as if you are about to meditate and notice any physical sensations that arise. Do you feel neck pain, chest tightness, or nausea in your stomach? Do you see scenes or images from the past? What comes first are the parts that may need your attention. Focus on one feeling or image – listen to her and ask her what she wants to know.
When Seth Kobald tried this, he felt tension all over his body and saw images from old movies in his mind – bad divorce scenes, couples fighting over children. He was in touch with the more anxious part that was dominating his life at the time.
2. Start a dialogue with your parts
At IFS, the rule is that none of our parts are bad. Each of them can provide us with useful information.
Kobald began to realize that his worry and anxiety were what IFS calls the “protective” parts, which help us get through difficult situations. “They were trying to force me to do something, which was to come up with a solution to help my children,” he says.
But these parts were causing him too much anxiety, and he was stuck.
Anxiety was telling him “do something.” Then there was a critic wondering what he did to contribute to the bad situation. Another part was jumping to try to numb him from the pain.
These multiple parts were cooperating together, a pattern that can happen to many of us in moments of crisis. It’s like loud instruments playing out of tune, Kobald says, citing a frequently used metaphor at IFS.
If you find yourself overwhelmed by a cacophony of voices, try starting a dialogue with your parts: What do you want me to know? What do you want to show me?
As you learn how to work your parts, you can begin to become the conductor, or conductor of an orchestra, Kobald says, getting each instrument to play in harmony..
3. Take up some space
IFS teaches you to “unplug” from the noise of these competing parts. Kobald remembers the moment he started to get an idea of his concern for his children, by seeing them as just one part.
“When it really struck me that the anxiety I was feeling was one side of me, but it wasn’t everyone “I felt this calmness come over me,” he says.
This was the beginning of the breakthrough for him.
If you want to try this, ask your loud part: “Can you give me some space so we can talk?” For Kobald, instead of feeling like he was that frightened and anxious child, he got to the place where he felt like he was sitting with that child, helping to calm him down.
4. Connect with pain since childhood
IFS knows we all have them Exile Parts that hold on to painful memories, many from childhood. Since negative emotions are easier to bury than to deal with, these exiles – as the name suggests – can remain locked deep down.
IFS founder Dick Schwartz says exile parts can be activated in times of difficulty. But, he says, “These are often the most sensitive and loving parts of us.”
As a child, Schwartz struggled in school, which frustrated his father—a prominent physician and researcher. “So he’s accumulated a lot of shame,” Schwartz says. He remembered his father saying things like, “Dickie, you’re good for nothing,” and the hurt was buried deep inside.
He allowed himself to have those experiences since childhood. “I can actually walk into that scene and be with” the injured boy, Schwartz says. In doing so, he or she can feel insecure, afraid, and ashamed, which IFS calls “unburdening.”
For Schwartz, this opened up a playful inner child. “That was missing in my life before I lightened the burden on this part,” he says.
This part may be difficult to do on your own. Sometimes exiles take you back to painful scenes and show you painful memories. If you feel the pain of exile, you can say, “I know you’re there — I’m not pushing you away,” Kobald says. You can ask him to share his story, and if it becomes too severe, you may want to contact an IFS therapist.
5. Take a U-turn
Kobald says his life is much better now. He has a loving relationship with his children and is married again. Now a certified IFS practitioner, he has written a book on IFS, Self-Leadership: Living a life connected to yourself and others. However, he still has moments when life is too stressful or throws too much at him. When this happens, it uses a technique called “U-Turn”. The U-turn is an exercise to gain perspective.
If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk – or you feel like everything is falling apart, take a moment to notice what’s happening inside, and look inward. Kobald says he would ask himself, “Wait a minute, who’s going to take over my duties now?”
In other words, you have to notice which part of you is triggering your anxiety, fear, or negativity. Then you can say, “Hey, I get it. Can you trust me to be here?” Kobald says.
6. Detect light inside
When you’re not dominated by the cacophony of parts, your true self can emerge, according to IFS.
In IFS, the self is the parent or leader of your system, offering love and protection to all parts of you.
Seth says that you can think of the self as the sun, which is often covered by clouds, your parts. Remember that the sun is always at full strength, even on a cloudy day. So, like disappearing clouds, we can “remove things that block our light,” Kobald says.
For Kobald, this made a big difference. “I tend to live more in my own light,” he says. He feels more clarity, compassion, creativity and calm.