In the world of real estate, there is nothing more controversial than a buyer’s love letters.
Depending on where you look, those personalized “pick me” notes that buyers use to sway sellers are either highly effective (Redfin says they increase the likelihood of buying a home by 52%) or more or less pointless. (Zillow agents rated them last among 376 other home buying strategies).
No matter how effective they are, they also have potential legal consequences, and one state even banned them for a time due to fears of discrimination.
This doesn’t mean they aren’t still in use. I wrote notes to the sellers of both houses I bought, and when my family sold our first home in 2016, the buyer’s note played a big role in winning us over during the bidding war.
While some agents are big proponents of this strategy, touting its ability to highlight your listing or highlight your interest in the home, others say it’s simply not worth the risk.
The Fair Housing Act prohibits home sellers from discriminating against potential buyers based on their race, religion, sexual orientation, marital status and other protected characteristics. And many letters to buyers intentionally include this information. This is often unintentional, but when a buyer mentions how much her six-year-old loves the house’s huge backyard (family status) or that his longtime church is within walking distance (religion), these seemingly innocuous details contain more information than salesman. technically allowed to know.
“Sellers may unknowingly make decisions based on these factors, which may be against the law,” says Clint Jordan, real estate agent and founder of the Mil-estate Network. “Trying to emotionally appeal to a salesperson can open a whole can of worms emotionally, legally and ethically.”
For this reason, many agents advise their clients not to send letters. They also discourage sellers from considering letters they receive from potential buyers in their decision-making process.
“The decision should be based solely on the merits of the offer itself—such as price, terms and contingencies—rather than on an emotional connection with the buyer,” says Bret Weinstein, CEO and founder of Guide Real Estate in Denver. “If a seller selects a buyer based on personal information … this could result in legal action.”
When Buyer Love Letters Work
Obviously, no one wants to face a lawsuit or jail time, even for their dream home. But in reality, litigation over this practice is virtually non-existent. The National Association of Realtors says it is aware of no lawsuits (in recent history or ever) related to buyer love letters. Sean Pappas, a real estate lawyer and partner at Starr Associates LLP, even says, “We don’t have any legal concerns about this practice.”
Many real estate agents feel the same way, seeing it as a low-risk, high-reward strategy that can make all the difference in close negotiations.
Take Massachusetts real estate agent and consultant Dana Bull, for example. Bull for real recommends her buyer clients write letters “in most situations” because they can help differentiate themselves from “vanilla offerings,” she says. They also give buyers the opportunity to explain why there are contingencies or other glitches in their offer that could hurt their chances.
“We want sellers to know that we really care about their property and we’re willing to put in the extra time and extra effort,” Bull says.
Letters can be especially helpful if you’re in a bidding war, some agents say, and can even help close small price gaps if the wording is right.
“Sometimes a seller can have a strong emotional attachment to a home,” says Lisa Harris, an agent with RE/MAX Center in Braselton, Georgia. “They may prefer a buyer who will value it as much as they do.”
Some buyers get more value
For some buyers, letters can be a particularly powerful tool. For example, veterans and active military personnel typically see benefit in writing a letter, especially if they are using a VA loan, which sellers tend to be hesitant about.
“When a veteran uses a VA loan, it often comes with little or no down payment,” Jordan says. “This will shock sellers. Sometimes they feel like there’s no skin in the game, and having a letter can provide context that makes people feel a little more at ease sometimes.”
Jordan, a retired Air Force firefighter who specializes in working with military personnel, recently asked a buyer to write a letter detailing the challenges of his constant military relocation and the impact it had on his family.
“The seller—also a veteran—definitely felt that connection, and that played a role in his decision, especially since the offers were so close in price and terms,” Jordan says.
In addition to military personnel, agents say pet owners, teachers and first responders often receive good responses to love letters because there tends to be some level of respect and admiration.
If the seller has lived in the house for a long time, letters can help here too.
“Emotions play a bigger role in real estate transactions than they should,” says Pappas. “For many people, a home is more than just real estate, it is a time capsule of their family history.”
How to write a love letter to a seller
If you’re buying a home and decide to write a note to the real estate sellers, proceed with caution. Talk to your agent about fair housing laws and be careful about what personal information you include in your letter.
“To avoid legal issues, buyers should keep their email subject lines neutral,” says Jordan. “Talk about the features of the home you like—the layout, the backyard or how it suits your practical needs. Avoid mentioning personal information such as family size, religion, or anything that falls under these protected categories.”
If it helps, Bull says, think of the note more as a “cover letter” than a love letter.
“We’re not going to get personal,” Bull says. “In this letter, we want to talk and focus on things like why our offer is great, what we love about your home, and our intentions moving forward.”
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